Don't be a superhero
In normal times (now known as precedented times), as helping professionals we primarily care for others from a place of our own strength, health and resilience. We are those that care, we have to be strong and keep ourselves healthy so that we can care to the best of our ability - others are counting on us after all. Our professional training often reinforces this with its emphasis on evidence and ‘maintaining professionalism’ within our relationships with clients. We come to think of ourselves as superheroes, we come into work in the morning and don our professionalism like a cape and evidence based practice like they are our superpowers.
In unprecedented times however we realise that we are not superheroes at all. We realise that we are just ordinary humans. We are all struggling with the background of a global pandemic-both clients and helping professionals alike. The distinctions between those that help and those that are helped have been stripped away. The global pandemic has left us all feeling vulnerable, tired, battered and disappointed. The life circumstances that our clients and patients face have also entered our own lives, we have been caring and also dealing with ill family members, our own illness, negotiating difficult situations with family members, being far from friends and family at special times and being bereaved. Just because we are helping professionals doesn’t make us immune to the life circumstances that our clients may struggle with. It is confronting when we realise that just because we care for others as our profession doesn’t make us superheroes.
Perhaps our strength does not come from immunity from these life circumstance but rather from our ability to accept that we are only human. We understand that being richly and fully human means that challenges (and even pain) are part of life, a part of humanity. We are not superheroes just well-trained, ordinary humans, embracing the richness of our humanity. There are four key elements to being richly human that can resource us for standing with our clients in the face of our own struggles.
Connection
Being richly human means valuing connection and accepting that we need others. Richly human helping professionals make use of friends and family to support their emotional and psychological well-being. This can be challenging, as many helping professionals have an underdeveloped ability to receive, always remaining in their default identity as a ‘giver’. A small way to practice the skill of receiving is to open ourselves up to those tokens of encouragement and support that our clients (or patients) offer to us. It is easy to modestly brush these off, to dismiss our clients words with “oh its my job”, “of course I care”, or the kiwi classic of “no worries”. It nourishes our humanity and also honours our patients mana when we profoundly accept their forgiveness for being late, their encouragement to stay safe, their compliments on our clothes, their enquires about our own well-being and their thanks and appreciation for our work.
We need to slow down and savour those moments of connection human to human.
Authenticity
Being richly human means rejecting the stereotype of professional aloofness, it means dedicating time to reflecting on and figuring out all the ways that we can be authentic, whole and professional at the same time. Our professionalism does mean that we need to take care with self-disclosure but that shouldn’t mean that we are not showing up as whole people and bringing some of ourselves into our interactions. Sometimes a small glimpse of our own struggles or our own experience of loss or illness can be what a client needs to feel that they are less alone. It may be a simple as saying I was away last week because of a bereavement or sharing that you have been struggling with home-schooling. These moments of being real can enhance the connection to our clients and can be a source of hope that they too can accept this challenging life and remain connected and able to help others.
Shared Humanity
Richly human helping professionals understand the power of shared humanity. We are in this unfair, challenging world together, we all experience the imperfections of it, very few are untouched. Grief, illness, vulnerability, traumas and the suffering that these can cause are all part of the human existence. Richly human helping professionals understand that life is not all joy and positivity, but that we can live full and meaningful lives in the face of discomfort and pain. We can find ways to practically express our values even when we face painful situations, and we understand that feeling pain, sorrow and anger are often appropriate responses to what we see and experience. Richly human professionals are open to all their feelings and have the courage to turn towards the full range of emotions. Awareness of shared humanity means that we are able to look up from our own challenges and the challenges of our clients and see that other sources of pain are present in the world - we notice landslides, racism, oppression, earthquakes, loss and war.
Meeting Our Own Needs
Superheroes seem to get through saving the world without ever stopping for a toilet break. Richly human helpers, on the other hand, accept and acknowledge that they have needs and prioritise meeting them. They make space to tune into themselves, they slow down enough to be aware of the needs of their bodies and mind. Rich humans develop compassion for themselves understanding that they are just as worthy of care and nourishment as their clients and patients. Self-compassion is the key that leads them to prioritise self-care. You will find richly human helping professionals stopping for lunch, prioritising sleep and engaging in activities that refresh and re-energise them.
It is by accepting that we are not superheroes and acknowledging and nourishing our vulnerable humanity that we can become very strong and rich humans. It is that rich and full humanity that enables us to continue our caring work in the face of our own challenges and struggles.
Take care as you care for others,
Christina