6 Tips for Staying Well during Lockdown
Global pandemics and lockdowns are difficult, they are hard to cope with. This is not a normal situation and it is very challenging. It is ok to have found it hard, and to have had a bit of a heart sinking feeling when you heard the news that we will be under Level 4 restrictions for a longer time. But I do want to remind you that there is nothing inherently stressful in a lockdown. Stress rather is something that happens in our mind and body in reaction to something that is occurring. Stress happens when we see that event as a threat and feel or think that we don’t have the resources to cope with it. Therefore we all find different elements of the lockdown stressful, and have a different amount of resource to deal with those stressful elements. It can help to identify exactly what it is you struggle with, and consider how you can increase your resource in that area. Part of increasing our resource involves maintaining our well-being as this is one way to increase our resource to manage the struggles. It is easy to think of taking care of our well-being as something huge and complex but it is most often those simple, small things done presently that make the most difference. It can be a bit like when the Evergreen was stuck in the Suez canal and those tiny dredgers and diggers had to move just enough sand to get it out. That is what we are doing to maintain our well-being - tiny bucket loads of sand scooped out with persistence.
Here are 6 tips for maintaining wellbeing during lockdown.
Make Plans.
I don’t know about you but I have struggled to get out of bed a few days this week. It seems that all of a sudden all those little rewards that are part of our day (conversations with colleagues, coffee on the way to work, smiles from others, chats in the kitchen, colleagues saying you have done a good job) are gone. Also gone are the normal structures and timetables of our day that mean we are able to function on automatic. We are suddenly faced with making many decisions without the usual external rewards (dopamine hits). Struggling with motivation seems fairly normal in the face of that, but we can take action to compensate. Making plans that involve structure and schedules and planning frequent small rewards help us with motivation. You can also support your well-being by trying to keep your schedule as similar to your non-lockdown schedule as possible. This helps your day to feel normal (more important as we prepare for a long-time in lockdown) and helps with the adjustment to different levels. Planning a clear differentiation between workdays/weekdays and weekends/days off is also important to give your week a normal rhythm and to ensure you get a rest from the work focus. It is amazing how motivating it is to still feel the achievement of making it to Friday.
Pay careful attention to your motivation and what it is telling you - is there a specific time of day that you are struggling with? Why might that be? What action can you take to help with that? Think of those small rewards that might provide a small smile, or moment of joy. Today my treat at 3pm (a school day of work) is to go to the big park (instead of the little park) for a walk. If your struggle is to get out of bed in the morning think of some ideas that would make that more attractive for you - perhaps a nice cup and saucer already laid out, a snuggly oodie to transition between bed and being up, or a scheduled chat with a friend would just give you a little more reward and incentive to get up. Planning things to look forward to can also be a helpful motivator at times like this, anticipation gives us similar feelings of happiness to actually experiencing events, so it is an important contributor to our well-being. Plan some things to look forward to that are possible during lockdown and some things that you are going to do to celebrate being able to see friends and family again when we are finally allowed.
How is your motivation today? What can you plan that would give some small boosts to your motivation through the day and through the week?
Tune Into Your Why
Maintaining our well-being and feeding our ability to cope with Lockdown is often done with simple actions, yet those actions can feel very hard. The principles of caring for yourself are simple, control what you can, eat well, support good sleep habits, connect with others and get outside for exercise. Yet they are difficult to do consistently and intentionally and there’s the challenge. There is a complex process between knowledge and action that can trip us up and leave us slumped on the couch with a gin and tonic. We need to tap into that process between knowledge and action, in order to move forward. That process is filled with feelings, thoughts, urges and emotions. Often we have barely acknowledged them, or some of the feelings might be ones we keep pushing away. It can help to be curious about what is going on there and what the feelings and thoughts actually are. Our sense of why and our values can give us the motivation we need to maintain our well-being in the face of struggles and strains. Values are like underground power sources for change. If we can step into values driven actions instead of doing things because ‘we think or know we should’ things that were once just another item on an overwhelming to do list become a natural and authentic expression of our own sense of self. It may help you to remind yourself why we are in lockdown, to personalise it in a way that gives it meaning for you, perhaps a family member or particular group that you feel you are protecting. Then if you know your values spend time connecting with those each day. Ask yourself what it is you want to stand for in this time of lockdown, and use that to motivate your well-being actions. You may care for yourself so that you have the strength and energy to care for others, or so that you can be the best parent you want to be. Thinking of ways to live your values can help to add meaning and vitality into days that can begin to seem monotonous.
Do you know your values?
What values motivate you to care for your well-being?
What do you want to stand for in this lockdown?
Wonder About Worry
Often we can fall into certain habits of thinking that make it harder to feel well and to cope with the struggles that life throws at us. Our experiences, preferences, family life, biology and more all influence these thinking habits. It is completely normal to get caught in these patterns, our brains are tricky at the best of times. Sometimes it is helpful to consider whether these patterns of thinking that we have developed are helpful or unhelpful for our well-being. Some of these patterns may be particularly activated by the current rise in Covid case numbers, or the circumstances of your lockdown. Others may be long standing patterns that don’t usually bother you but that you are noticing more because of lockdown.
We can make small nudges to our thoughts so that they better resource us to cope with challenges. The first step in doing this is to notice what is happening and where our thoughts are leading. Be curious about your thinking patterns. Maybe you get caught in worrying about the future, perhaps you get caught in comparisons, or find it easier to see the negative than the positive. Pay attention to how these thoughts traps are influencing your feelings, what are the feelings that spring up in you in response to these thoughts. Also notice what initiates those thought patterns and what frees you to think a little more positively or realistically. Are there things that you are doing that might be useful to stop doing? (does scrolling the newsfeed exacerbate your worries?). People caught up in their thought patterns are usually anywhere but here in the present moment (often they are in the past or future). So a helpful reset if you feel yourself getting caught up in thought patterns is to come back to the here and now. To fully engage in this moment. This can often be done by focussing on our senses, what we can see, hear, feel, smell and taste right now. This little interruption to your thoughts can be a bit like pressing reset on the computer. Another pattern that I see a lot is developing a habit of focussing on all the things that we are missing out on. It is important to grieve those loses and make spaces for those feelings it may also be helpful to balance this by finding things to be grateful for each day. You can make small nudges in your thinking that will support and grow your well-being.
Tend To Your Body
Small persistent actions done regularly are what’s going to see us through the stress and struggles of this covid lockdown. This is particular true when we consider our physical health. It is the simple things, eat well, sleep well and exercise in the fresh air, that can make a difference to our ability to cope and bounce back from the stresses and strains of level 4. However nowhere is the gap between the knowledge of the simple things that we can do and our ability to take action so apparent as in eating healthy food, going to bed early and exercising. We know we should eat the broccolini for lunch, but much prefer the idea of the potato chips. Our relationship with food and exercise is often complex, and this makes it difficult to take the wise choices. Yet our bodies and brains are linked and have a great deal of influence over each other so enhancing our ability to cope with stress must also involve tending to our bodies (that often shout out about our ignored stress). For a long time I resisted regular exercise and while I still don’t particularly enjoy the process of exercising I do notice the difference it makes in my ability to think and perform in my work, and cope with challenges - and for me that makes it worth doing.
Our thoughts, feelings and patterns of thinking are all prominent here for example it is common to feel that exercise is a punishment (whip that body into shape), another should on our already full to do list, or something we have to do to make up for eating what we enjoy. Likewise we have a lot of thoughts and emotions around eating healthy food. We often see it as involving denying ourselves, eating things we don’t especially like and having to use all our will-power to do. But it’s lockdown so its time to reset and put aside all those old thoughts and ideas just as we have put aside going out. Instead it is time to honour your body with tenderness and compassion - after all you are asking it to carry you through lockdown stresses and strains - thats a big ask. You may like to start by once a day thanking your body for seeing you through another day. Then think of one action you can do to show your body care and nurturing each day. Tune into your body, listen to it and find things that make it stronger and healthier - do more of these things and worry less about what you ‘should’ do or eat. Wellness comes from developing a caring relationship with ourselves this takes small persistent moves in that direction.
What does your body need to be resilient?
How will you nourish your body today?
Connect with others
The courier came today, it was delightful to wave at him and receive an answering wave as he delivered the adapter I needed for my noise cancelling headphones (and yes these are absolutely essential for surviving lockdown). It was not just my adapter that was a pleasant addition to my lockdown life however, it is that sense of connection to community that a wave provides. We are trying to move our well-being and ability to cope with the stressors of lockdown with simple but sometimes difficult actions. Ensuring that we keep connected to others is one of these simple actions, that we need to be intentional about. The little casual interactions that we have throughout our day - with bus drivers, and cafe workers, or people in shops are much more important than we often realise, it is something that we can miss a great deal during Level 4 restrictions. If we are careful we can find ways to have some of these beneficial interactions, by waving at the courier or a neighbour walking down the street. We also need to keep up our larger interactions with those we know well. I have noticed that some people tend to take a negative attitude to virtual interactions or phone calls, finding them inadequate compared to face to face. That negative framing can quickly turn into “I can’t be bothered connecting virtually”, and a sense of isolation is quick to follow. Sure virtual interactions are not the same as face to face laughs, chats and hugs. Yet the virtual connections still provide the sense of connection, and belonging that can support our well-being and support us through the struggles and strains of lockdown. Time with friends provides a sense of safety and soothing that can be very helpful in reducing our sense of anxiety or ability to switch off from work that is getting out of control. Talking to these friends can also help us notice, name and express that package of emotions and stresses that we are feeling, helping us to normalise and manage our reactions to all we are dealing with. Helping others also has a positive impact on our mood and sense of purpose, again contributing to our sense of well-being. You need people, and people need you - we will get through this by helping and listening to each other.
Who and how will you reach out to someone today?
Winddown
If you are finding the pandemic lockdown stressful and worrying it is important for your well-being to take a break from this constant stress and worry that is putting your mind and body on high alert throughout the days. You need to nurture yourself by allowing your mind and body to rest from all the stress and worry that it is carrying. I am not advocating denial or distraction to avoid all those feelings rather it is saying that you need a break from carrying all that worry all the time. Your mind and body may have got so wound up that this is hard for you at first, it may be a matter of slowly teaching your mind and body to relax again. The weekend is of course a good time to be intentional about having opportunities to wind down. I find that routine and ritual are great ways to signal to our brain that we are shifting gears and so Friday night for me usually involves a bit of a different rhythm than other days of the week. I signal it is wind down time by changing out of work clothes, having something special to eat and drink and often watching tv. These signals are even more important as we negotiate working from home and the constant stress of the pandemic lockdown. Think about some routines and rituals that you can use at the weekend to signal that it is switch off from work mode.
We are all different and so this is about tuning into your own mind and body and finding those things that work best to relax you. Try and choose one activity that soothes your mind, one that soothes your body and one that soothes both at the same time. To soothe and relax your mind you may need to identify what makes you feel most safe, secure and relaxed (is it snuggled in bed?), what assists you to take a break from worry thoughts (is it switching off your tech?). You may find that engrossing occupations such as an excellent movie, a thrilling novel or a hobby that requires lots of concentration helpful. To soothe and relax your body you might like to try getting out in the sun, going for a run, having a bath or spa, giving yourself a massage or simply lying on the floor paying attention to the rhythm of your breathing with some nice music on. Our minds and bodies are connected so recognising this by choosing some wind down activities that combine both mind and body are also helpful. This may include meditation, prayer, mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation, (there are lots of apps and youtube clips to walk you through these). Dancing, gardening and yoga are also great for relaxing the mind and body.
However you choose to wind down this weekend remember that these are all skills. They will be difficult to start with and you may find your mind returning to your worries. Hold your attempts with compassion and give your self space to practice, it might be difficult at first but it will get easier the more your practice. It can take time and persistence to teach your mind and body to relax again, we are just beginning on that process.
How will you wind down this weekend?
Lockdown is hard and if you find that you are struggling to help there are a variety of options of agencies that are still working hard to support your well-being throughout lockdown. A list of these can be found on the Ministry of Health’s Covid Wellbeing Page
Helping Children Reflect
We have come to the end of term one of the New Zealand School Year. It seems a natural place to reflect. Reflection is for everyone, an important tool that we all need to learn. It doesn’t come easily to everyone, however. We are desperately trying to equip our children to live and work in a world that we can only imagine. They are digital natives and to a certain extent comfortable with the fast pace of change. Learning how to reflect well will be an essential skill for them as they develop the wisdom they need to thrive in this changing world. It can be hard to get active children to sit still long enough to reflect, and some children naturally don’t seem as inclined to chat about their experiences as others.
I have prepared a simple activity worksheet to help children reflect on their term. It is designed to be used as a tool for conversation with an adult. If you have a very active child you may like to just choose one or two activities or questions a day.
No tweens were harmed in the making of this worksheet ;-)
Don't be a superhero
In normal times (now known as precedented times), as helping professionals we primarily care for others from a place of our own strength, health and resilience. We are those that care, we have to be strong and keep ourselves healthy so that we can care to the best of our ability - others are counting on us after all. Our professional training often reinforces this with its emphasis on evidence and ‘maintaining professionalism’ within our relationships with clients. We come to think of ourselves as superheroes, we come into work in the morning and don our professionalism like a cape and evidence based practice like they are our superpowers.
In unprecedented times however we realise that we are not superheroes at all. We realise that we are just ordinary humans. We are all struggling with the background of a global pandemic-both clients and helping professionals alike. The distinctions between those that help and those that are helped have been stripped away. The global pandemic has left us all feeling vulnerable, tired, battered and disappointed. The life circumstances that our clients and patients face have also entered our own lives, we have been caring and also dealing with ill family members, our own illness, negotiating difficult situations with family members, being far from friends and family at special times and being bereaved. Just because we are helping professionals doesn’t make us immune to the life circumstances that our clients may struggle with. It is confronting when we realise that just because we care for others as our profession doesn’t make us superheroes.
Perhaps our strength does not come from immunity from these life circumstance but rather from our ability to accept that we are only human. We understand that being richly and fully human means that challenges (and even pain) are part of life, a part of humanity. We are not superheroes just well-trained, ordinary humans, embracing the richness of our humanity. There are four key elements to being richly human that can resource us for standing with our clients in the face of our own struggles.
Connection
Being richly human means valuing connection and accepting that we need others. Richly human helping professionals make use of friends and family to support their emotional and psychological well-being. This can be challenging, as many helping professionals have an underdeveloped ability to receive, always remaining in their default identity as a ‘giver’. A small way to practice the skill of receiving is to open ourselves up to those tokens of encouragement and support that our clients (or patients) offer to us. It is easy to modestly brush these off, to dismiss our clients words with “oh its my job”, “of course I care”, or the kiwi classic of “no worries”. It nourishes our humanity and also honours our patients mana when we profoundly accept their forgiveness for being late, their encouragement to stay safe, their compliments on our clothes, their enquires about our own well-being and their thanks and appreciation for our work.
We need to slow down and savour those moments of connection human to human.
Authenticity
Being richly human means rejecting the stereotype of professional aloofness, it means dedicating time to reflecting on and figuring out all the ways that we can be authentic, whole and professional at the same time. Our professionalism does mean that we need to take care with self-disclosure but that shouldn’t mean that we are not showing up as whole people and bringing some of ourselves into our interactions. Sometimes a small glimpse of our own struggles or our own experience of loss or illness can be what a client needs to feel that they are less alone. It may be a simple as saying I was away last week because of a bereavement or sharing that you have been struggling with home-schooling. These moments of being real can enhance the connection to our clients and can be a source of hope that they too can accept this challenging life and remain connected and able to help others.
Shared Humanity
Richly human helping professionals understand the power of shared humanity. We are in this unfair, challenging world together, we all experience the imperfections of it, very few are untouched. Grief, illness, vulnerability, traumas and the suffering that these can cause are all part of the human existence. Richly human helping professionals understand that life is not all joy and positivity, but that we can live full and meaningful lives in the face of discomfort and pain. We can find ways to practically express our values even when we face painful situations, and we understand that feeling pain, sorrow and anger are often appropriate responses to what we see and experience. Richly human professionals are open to all their feelings and have the courage to turn towards the full range of emotions. Awareness of shared humanity means that we are able to look up from our own challenges and the challenges of our clients and see that other sources of pain are present in the world - we notice landslides, racism, oppression, earthquakes, loss and war.
Meeting Our Own Needs
Superheroes seem to get through saving the world without ever stopping for a toilet break. Richly human helpers, on the other hand, accept and acknowledge that they have needs and prioritise meeting them. They make space to tune into themselves, they slow down enough to be aware of the needs of their bodies and mind. Rich humans develop compassion for themselves understanding that they are just as worthy of care and nourishment as their clients and patients. Self-compassion is the key that leads them to prioritise self-care. You will find richly human helping professionals stopping for lunch, prioritising sleep and engaging in activities that refresh and re-energise them.
It is by accepting that we are not superheroes and acknowledging and nourishing our vulnerable humanity that we can become very strong and rich humans. It is that rich and full humanity that enables us to continue our caring work in the face of our own challenges and struggles.
Take care as you care for others,
Christina
Lockdown and building my child's resilience
A post or comment on social-media caught my eye, it described the current situation as harrowing for children. I am not sure if it was a New Zealand based comment or not, but it reinforced for me that as parents we set the emotional tone for how our kids perceive what is happening. I have noticed a prevailing attitude that expects this to be bad for children, that we need to protect them and that anything that scares, challenges or disappoints them is harrowing and bad for them. Actually children are much more flexible and resilient than we expect, and going through tough stuff builds their resilience much more than keep them protected does. This is an opportunity for them to grow, and find their strength and adaptability - and they will if we support them with love and care. I know that parents are getting A LOT of advice at the moment and if you are anything like me you may even be feeling a little overloaded with it all. So I have outlined this in some quick to read dos and don’ts.
DON’T worry so much. Children are much more resilient, capable and adaptable than you think. This may be a strong memory for them, but lockdown such as we are having in New Zealand won’t for the majority leave them scarred for life.
DO set the emotional tone for the lockdown. My son asked my if I had ever lived through a pandemic before. This reinforced that he doesn’t have enough life experience to judge whether this is unprecedented or normal. He was looking to me to give him guidance on whether he should be scared, worried, harrowed, or curious and resilient. So I told him about other pandemics, that at other times in history New Zealand has faced virulent outbreaks, and that times were tough, sacrifices were made but that people were adaptable and resilient and got through. If you can tell tales of (great) grandparents that lived though the tuberculosis outbreaks, or other hardships this can help normalise difficult times and resilient responses.
DON’T feel that you have to shield them from what is happening in the world, or from how you feel about it. It is through having these experiences, and seeing how you cope that our children gain
the ability to cope with the sad and difficult events that life throws up (and it will because life is not all sunshine and unicorns). Share with them what big feelings you are experiencing, what they feel like and how you are expressing them, this models noticing, naming and accepting emotions that is a basis for resilient responses.
DO share in age appropriate ways and consider the amount of news that your children (and yourself) are exposed to, talk about how we know which information is trustworthy and the sources we choose.
DON’T forget about the need for children to move their bodies regularly, schedule in regular walks, and internet exercise classes, skipping, hooping or whatever else gives them a change to express their physical energy.
DO talk to you children about how we can hold stress and tension in our bodies, and help them to learn to relax and calm their bodies when they need to.
DON’T assume that your kids know how to talk to people on a telephone/zoom call, they may need some structure to get them started. This could be helping them generate ideas of some things to talk about, finding something to show to their friend, or a game or a book to read a chapter from.
DO help your children to find ways to use technology as a tool to connect with their friends (and old fashioned methods too - yesterday we chalked messages on friend’s driveways).
DON’T assume that your children will struggle and find lockdown difficult.
DO assume that they have many strengths and abilities that they can use to get through lockdown. Do take the time to recognise and celebrate their strengths (this is often called strengths spotting). Empower them as much as possible to make decisions and choices as they arise.
DON’T feel like you have to solve all the problems because you are the parent.
DO model problem solving processes and skills to your children and involve them in problem solving. Believe in them and offer hope that together these problems can be solved. Gently aid them to keep problems in perspective, without invalidating their concerns.
DON’T try and protect your children from the uncertainty of the situation. I know some children find uncertainty very unsettling, but giving them false hope or denying that the situation is uncertain won’t be helpful in the long run.
DO affirm that uncertainty is difficult, and explain why we don’t know how long lockdown will last. Draw their attention to the reasons why we are in lockdown and to the things that we can be certain about and have control over, such as the daily routine, and choosing pleasurable daily activities.
DON’T ignore your children’s need for a sense of purpose and meaning or connection to spirituality.
DO use familiar rituals and ceremonies (such as around passover or Easter) to reconnect your child with a sense of belonging, meaning and the familiar. This can help them gain meaning and belonging that add to their resilience.
It doesn’t have to be hard - overall kids needs lots and lots of love (not so much the 100 craft activities). Love your kids and be kind and compassionate to yourself, and your children will be all right.
making friends with fear and worry during a pandemic
Yesterday I forgot to apply hand sanitiser despite being in a meeting only a few hours earlier where I was told to apply it after every client and given a bottle that was in my pocket. I had got too involved in what I was doing and it had not become top of mind any more. Fear has an important role to play in keeping us safe. In this case we could argue that I was not fearful enough, that it is fear that helps me be vigilant and remember to apply the hand sanitiser.
As we face this pandemic and the financial and psychological implications there is in fact a lot to worry about, a lot to even fear. What we don’t need to be worrying about or fearful about is our own fears and worries. When a global event of this size and scope occurs worries and fears are an appropriate and normal reaction. A greater understanding of our fears and worries can help us to better navigate our emotional response to all that is happening. This is written primarily for people who on the whole have a good level of emotional and psychological well-being. If you have existing trauma or an anxiety disorder that is being exacerbated by the current situation you should seek extra support from your health team.
Fear
Fear is an awareness of danger that is experienced physically in our bodies and also interpreted and amplified by our mind. You can see how useful fear is, and you are probably familiar with the ‘fight or flight’ response, that enables us to escape danger when we need to. The fight or flight response is a state of alert in our bodies, it involves responses such as an increase in heart rate, blood rushing to our muscles and limbs and the release of adrenaline. These responses allow you to respond quickly to the danger that you are facing. You can probably think of times when this has been helpful. Perhaps you misjudged the space that you needed to cross the road and a car was suddenly coming towards you. It is the flight respond that helped you dart out of the way just in time. Or perhaps you sped across the playground and caught your child just as they were about to fall off the climbing frame. We might even say afterwards that we did it without thinking, because our bodily response and the more basic parts of our brain took over.
At this time of viral pandemic we do face a very real danger, and it is that awareness of danger that helps us to take the protective actions we need. It is that sense of threat that helps me be vigilant and remember the hand sanitiser. However, we can develop two unhelpful responses to that state of fear. These unhelpful responses come from the work that our mind does with the fear, the amplification and thoughts that occur around our natural fear response. The first unhelpful response that some people experience is that they may be very uncomfortable with the feeling of being afraid, they then begin to judge the fear response negatively. This may become associated with the feeling that they shouldn’t be afraid, that fear is terrible and this can lead them to try to avoid or suppress the fear, or to become fearful or upset by the fear itself (rather than the threat). Suppression can make the fear worse, and people can become quite distressed by their experience of fear. To combat this extra distress we can make friends with the fear, to see it for the helpful message that it is. Some people find it helpful to just thank their mind for keeping them safe when they feel that fear lurking. The second distressing response that can occur to fear, is when we are unable to quiet the flight or fight response, so we spend all our time at a high state of alert, even when we are not in immediate danger. Physiologically the fight or flight response has a fairly short cycle that will naturally resolve and come back to a state of rest. Some people may have more trouble than others coming back to this neutral stance. This may be particularly difficult in situations like the viral pandemic when the threat is all around us, and the news is so accessible to us. So it is important that we have strategies in place to quite the fight or flight response (more on that soon).
Anxiety
We can distinguish fear which is alertness to a present danger from anxiety which is when our minds project that sense of threat into the future. Anxiety is centred on the thought that something bad is going to happen to me tomorrow or next month or next year. But our body is already going into the fight or flight mode to keep us safe from danger - except the danger is not in the here and now. This constant state of alertness can be quite distressing for both our bodies and our minds, and is often associated with a certain amount of discomfort and avoidance of actually feeling the anxiety.
Worry
Worry is a more cognitive (thought) based response to things that may happen in the future, it may not be associated with the physiological response that accompanies anxiety. Worries are the niggly thoughts that chatter away in the back of your mind - what are you going to do if your child has to stay home from school? What do you need to do? How will you entertain them? Although these worries can be associated with stress, usually they are fairly helpful in assisting us to plan and remember things and generally sort ourselves out. Sometimes however these can create what I call worry loops where the worries go around and around with no resolution or plan. We became suck in a loop going over the same thoughts. A helpful way to break these loops is to identify the emotion or feeling that is behind the worry as often the cognitive focus is a way of avoiding the emotion.
Responding to Fear, Anxiety and Worry.
Understanding the ways fear, anxieties and worries work is an important first step in helping us manage them in the face of the pandemic. We also need to put into action some strategies for responding to these nomal concerns, fears and worries. Here are 4 strategies that you can use to help with your feelings at this time, they are sympathise, soothe, specify, strategise.
Sympathise
Have you ever thought about how you talk to yourself when you are worried, fearful or anxious? Have a go at responding to yourself with extra kindness and compassion. Emphasise how normal your response is, and open up a little with curiosity about your feelings. It can be helpful to talk to yourself as you would a child, “oh dear one, you are afraid today, that is normal considering what we are facing”. It can be helpful to gently identify the feeling behind your unsettledness. Are you fearful, worried, sad, grief stricken, or angry? It can be helpful to find a kind friend to talk to about how you feel and even about how you feel about your feelings. If you are unable to chat to a friend, journalling may also be helpful. Remember that fear and worry are helpful and normal but do remain alert to any changes or distress that you may develop.
Soothe
Another useful strategy is to be able to soothe both your physiological response to fear and your feelings. Although the fear response is helpful, we do need some times when we are back in neutral and our bodies are calm. As well as the fight flight system our bodies are also wired with a soothing system and we may need to prompt that into action. One of the key ways we do that is through affection and bonding with others, this releases oxytocin and other soothing neuro-chemicals that calm our physiological alertness. You may like to identify a safe friend or family member that makes you feel connected and loved and is free with their affection, make sure you have set up ways of connecting with them (given the need for social distance). You can also take actions to calm your body directly. Breathing exercises (vagal breathing), meditation and mindfulness are all helpful ways of calming our bodies and minds.
Specify
I am noticing that people are expressing a vague and amorphous sense of dread. I suspect that some of it is grief around their expectations of safety and how the world works has been turned upside down. It can be helpful to be more curious about this vague sense of fear and anxiousness. What is it actually that you are upset about? Investigate your feelings and try and identify the root of your worries. What is it that you are actually afraid of? There are many things to be afraid of in this scenario but we will all fear different aspects of it. What is it actually that is concerning you? Is it the fear of dying alone, is it fear of leaving your children, is it the financial impact of being laid off, or is it needing to self-isolate with your 4 children? It can help to try and pin down the key one or two or three fears that are most pertinent and pressing for you.
Strategise
Once you have identified the root of your fears, you may be able to take action to mitigate them, and the ability to take action in turn may make the fears seem less pressing. Research shows quite clearly that things are more stressful when they are unpredictable and out of our control. It can be helpful to identify what is in your control, and make strategies to take action on those things that are within your control. If you are worried for you kids what do you need to talk to them about, or provide for them to ensure that that they are developing their own resilience. If you are afraid of financial recession what information do you need to help you plan for that eventuality. Maybe most importantly of all what principles and values guide how you live and how can you act in line with them each day despite your fears and worries. You can take actions to support your well-being and it is worth thinking about whether the information flow that you are exposed to is helpful for your well-being or adding to your fear and worries. Think carefully about how much information you actually need for your well-being and limit yourself to 1 or 2 reliable sources if this enables you to cope better.
You are resilient!
Finally remember that on the whole people are resourceful, adaptable and resilient and the majority cope with disaster well, and some even come through stronger and with a greater sense of who they are and what is important to them. That means that you are resourceful, adaptable and resilient and that whatever you face in the coming days you will surprise yourself in your ability to cope.